“Like any mother, I expected to give birth to a healthy child. But when my Faruk was born, they told me he had Down Syndrome. This was very hard for me and the whole family to accept. Every day was a challenge for us. There were periods when he and I were constantly in the hospital or when my day passed by monitoring which therapy he should take,” Meliha Mesetovic, the mother of a boy with developmental disabilities and the president of the Association „Budi mi drug/Be my friend” in Ilijas told us at the beginning of the interview for Local Works.
Being a mother is not an easy task at all. But being a mother to a child with developmental difficulties is challenging and difficult even in a society that is much more regulated than ours. Unless that mother is Meliha.
In the first years after Faruk’s birth, she taught herself how to help her child. She decided that Faruk would be like all his peers. And she dedicated her life to that. She taught him to be independent, to eat alone, to play with other children, to tie his shoelaces. And she never gave up.
“Now I have a son who is independent, who is 21 years old, who graduated from high school for hairdressing, who is in love. I am proud of what I managed to achieve and what we achieved together,” said Meliha.
When Faruk was born, society treated children with developmental disabilities differently, parents had little help, so Meliha realized that she wanted to share everything she had learned on her own with other parents. Thus, in 2006, the Association “Budi mi drug” was created with only one goal: to provide assistance to children with developmental difficulties and their parents. Today, the Association has around 60 members of different ages and disabilities. Meliha spends five days a week with them and is their second mother. Around 20 members stay in the Association every day. In the morning, a minibus brings them to the premises, they have painting, decoupage, jewelry or greeting card making workshops, music therapy, and physiotherapy twice a week. However, children and young people come here primarily because of the love that Meliha and the other volunteers selflessly give them.
And if you ask them what they like the most, they will tell you out loud – trips and singing.
Last year, the Association was extremely active. They organized many visits and get-togethers, and even managed to go to the sea side. For some, that was the first time to visit the sea side. Since most of them did not know how to swim, they also brought a swimming coach. During those five days of stay in Neum, everyone learned to swim. The moment of awarding diplomas on the beach was particularly emotional.
“I was proud of our children and young people who showed people in a beautiful way how wonderful and kind they really are. The whole beach applauded when we handed them their swimming school certificates. Everyone was crying,” Meliha described.
Acceptance of people with developmental disabilities has changed considerably compared to previous years. And Meliha is aware of that. Parents today have much more information than she had, institutions help much more, society is more open.
“Previously, children with disabilities were mostly closed, their parents were ashamed of them. Today it is different, children are more present in society. Much more work is done. We often organize walks, visits to schools in Ilijas, trips to restaurants, and excursions. We have a better social life than some. I must also point out that people in the city behave differently, they approach us with smiles on their faces. It makes me happy when I see that, because our children are full of love,” said Meliha.
House for Association’s users
When the Association started its work, Meliha set herself two important tasks. The first is to teach children to be as independent as possible. That is why she treats them as her equals. Reward them when they do something nice, scold them when they make a mistake. With her, they know where their limits are. Maybe that’s the reason why she was able to achieve so much with them. She recently took them to a restaurant and gave each of them money to pay for what they ordered. No child did anything wrong.
“These are small things that we take for granted, but for these children and young people it is huge. They are proud when they do something independently, and so am I with them. We now have users who can go to the store themselves and buy bread. They can shave themselves. We have users who fall in love, some are even engaged,” Meliha told us.
Meliha’s second task was to secure the facility where the Association will be located. Five years ago, she launched an initiative to build a house for all beneficiaries. This year, her dream is finally becoming a reality.
Ilijas Municipality provided funds for the construction. The contracted value of the works in the first phase of this project is 138,297.16 BAM, and the total value of the project is 356,941.88 BAM.
The skeleton of the house is finished, interior decoration and furnishing will follow.
“Many years have passed since I imagined that we would have our own roof over our heads, a place that would be only ours. It was worth the wait. It is the crown of my work and I am especially happy and proud because I persevered in it. It is something that will remain after me and will serve the community. Of course, nothing would have happened if we didn’t have the support of Ilijas Municipality and Mayor Akif Fazlic,” said Meliha.
The house will have two floors. On the first floor, there will be spaces for workshops, physiotherapy, a kitchen and a living room, and toilets that will be adapted for paraplegic users. There will be two apartments on the second floor.
“I imagined it as the project “Life in the community”. Some users have no parents, some have elderly parents. Users who remain alone would live in these apartments, and we will enable them to be independent, to be able to live in the community. We simply have to think about the future of our children right now. This house will provide them with a roof over their heads even when we are gone,” Meliha explained to us.
Its goal is not only for the Association to have its own facility, but also to be able to act independently. Meliha is not one of those who sit and wait for someone to give them something. She regularly writes projects for the Association with other volunteers, but above all she thinks about the children’s future. One of those projects is the construction of a greenhouse and greenhouse in the yard of a newly built house. Funds for greenhouse production were provided by an Italian organization, and the plan is to soon receive a herb drying machine. In a 20 square meter greenhouse, they have already produced pepper, cucumber and tomato seedlings, which they sold or planted in their own greenhouse. They will use the vegetables they produce in the greenhouse for their own needs, but they are sure that they will also have some for sale.
“The children and I worked together. We arranged the activities and they participated in picking seedlings. Everyone got tasks and we managed to plant the entire greenhouse. These days we are selling the seedlings. All this is done in order to have children work and learn how to work, so that tomorrow they can earn money for their work and feel a useful member of a society,” said Meliha.
Another project planned for this year is the purchase of a printing machine. With the help of BH Telecom, a machine is purchased that will be used to print T-shirts, mugs and other items. By selling those items, the Association will be able to contribute to its own self-sustainability.
“Every year we make New Year’s cards, natural-based soaps, scented candles, decoupage technique. Our soaps can be purchased at the “Oaza” pharmacy. Of course, in addition to these tasks, we also organize birthdays and other celebrations. Working with these children is like with any other, you just need to dedicate yourself to them and give them the opportunity to show their capabilities,” Meliha explained to us.
She admits that she found her peace in working with members of the Association. After all these years, Meliha is no longer just Faruk’s mom, she is the mother of all users. And they are all her children and, as she says, her therapy.
Why? It will be clear to you as soon as you open their door. You will be greeted by song, laughter, positive energy and love. And if you are open to it, that love will fill you too.
Author: Vedada Secerbajtarevic
This article was written thanks to the generous support of the American people through the “Local Works” program of the United States Agency for International Development in Bosnia and Herzegovina (USAID). The contents of the publication are under the exclusive liability of its author and “Network for Building Peace”. The views expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views of the USAID or the US Government.
