Ines Kavalec is a brave, successful and persistent woman from Sarajevo, for whom there is no obstacle to reach her goal. This was also the case with the first Day Center for children and persons with developmental disabilities, which was opened last year at the beginning of October in Sarajevo. The day center is named “Denis”, named after Ines’ son, who was a child with developmental difficulties, and who died more than two years ago.
It all started with the founding of the Association “Give us a chance” in March 2011. The main goal was for Sarajevo Canton to get a Day Center for children and people with developmental disabilities, which happened after 13 years of persistence. Ines points out that children with multiple disabilities are always, unfortunately, neglected.
“These are children who really cannot be included in the regular education system, or even in special schools, because of their health condition and because of their possibilities and potential. There is a much higher percentage of such children compared to children who are highly functional and who can go to regular and special schools. We testify that in our association there are no restrictions in terms of who can use our service and which diagnoses. With us, over 30 diagnoses are represented, from high-functioning ones to those that need 24-hour attention and care, and we witness that families with a child who has multiple needs are additionally neglected. My child, Denis, partly belonged to children who need more attention and care”, Kavalec tells us.
However, just as nothing in Bosnia and Herzegovina goes quickly, neither does the opening of a center of this type. The idea was simply not recognized by the authorities in the Sarajevo Canton, which were supposed to help build this day care center. In the meantime, in order not to be left behind, Ines is opening two service centers, one in 2014 and the other in 2017. But they never gave up on their original idea. And so, coincidence or not, although Ines emphasizes that she does not believe in coincidence, the US military command, in a conversation with Ines, expressed its desire to invest in an important project that concerns a marginalized group in society. Ines presented the idea of building a day care center and they were completely in favor. The Sarajevo Canton Government also joined the project, which secured the devastated facility in Grbavica. The right system turned out to be the one in which the government, non-governmental, international and private sectors participate, emphasizes Kavalec.
“I want to say ‘patient-saved’. From 2011 to 2020, for the first time we are specifically talking about such an institution that is necessary. The figure itself shows that since 2010, there were one thousand and four children, that is, families who needed a day care center, and today that figure has certainly doubled, if not tripled. Day care centers in Sarajevo Canton are simply necessary. And that’s when everything just started, I’m only sorry that I didn’t write a book. When people see the final result, they say great, they think it was simple. I think that the achievement of the goal is if you are persistent in everything that leads to the goal, in that in-between space that at times was such that you knew how to say ‘what will this do in my life’, but when you know that you will make children happy who are not they also see families who have children with developmental difficulties, then you get extra energy. An additional motivation is that this is the life I have lived and will live as long as I have strength and energy. I have the will,” emphasizes Ines.
The center is fully equipped, from the pin to the locomotive, as Ines points out, according to European standards. On October 9, the center was officially opened by Ambassador Murphy, giving a strong boost to the “Give Us a Chance” Association. The center is not yet operational, that is, it is not in function to work with children, but both the Sarajevo Canton Government and Ines believe that it will be functional for users as early as March. Thirty children and adults will be able to use the day center continuously.
“There will also be those over 18 years old. I think that they need it the most, given that the system, when children turn 18, realistically has nothing systemically arranged for that age. The greatest emphasis is on those children whose education and investment in them is to enable them to take care of themselves as much as possible, to teach them the basic functions of life, which is to be able to signal that they are thirsty, that they are hungry, because that is something that is very important. I may be saying this publicly for the first time, but my child lost his life because we didn’t know what hurt him, and the system never told me that I should be teaching my child what might save his life. My personal satisfaction is, until I have more strength, to encourage parents and that it is much more important for children to be able to say what hurts them, what they need, what they want compared to whether they can recognize color or not,” Ines tells the parents of the children. with developmental disabilities.
Through this struggle, it is important to change the perception of education and the attitude towards children with developmental difficulties in such a way that not all children can go to regular and even some to special schools. Most importantly, you can save a child’s life, taught by your experience, Kavalec tells us. Every bad experience in life is something we can learn from.
“I wanted to give up, but that would be selfish. It would be selfish for a thousand other families who have faith in me, that is, in ‘Give us a chance’. Then I wonder why we are all in this world, we exist for a reason. I was obviously given a task through some of the most difficult life experiences to help others as much as possible. This is the mission that Denis started. Because of Denis, I had the strength and will to look at things realistically and to say that I am worth the same as every other parent and that my family is worth the same. Because of him, all this was started and I don’t want Denis to be forgotten and this is one of the ways that Denis continues to live, we continue his mission. In the most difficult moments, you do not have a golden mean, but two choices: either you will surrender to the pain or you will overcome the pain. I decided to overcome it with the support of my ‘Give Us a Chance’ team, family and wonderful people. I believe that it is possible to emerge even stronger from the most difficult and to get something good out of the most difficult, so for a reason Denis decided to leave, I probably wouldn’t have this energy and I wouldn’t continue at this pace if that hadn’t happened,” says Ines bravely.
In all developed countries, there are service centers for children with developmental disabilities. The service center ‘Give us a chance’ has had 970 registered families since 2014. The service centers are like a health center for families and there are 14 free services that parents use. What gives Ines and her team additional satisfaction is that these centers have managed to save an enormous number of marriages, bring partners closer together, and save a large number of typical children within these families, Kavalec points out. If one service center were to close down, a large number of families would be drowned.
“Despite the negative things that are happening within that family, we support parents to return to factory settings as much as possible and to have mentally strong and preserved parents. That is the key to the success of a stable family. Two service centers are definitely not enough, we see according to the needs of families. What is good is that at the federal level, the Draft Law on Social Services has been adopted, the public debate has been completed and the final version should be adopted soon. Through that law, service centers, day centers, social service providers are defined and that is the foundation of prevention,” explains Kavalec.
Finally, we asked Ines what her advice is for families who have one member, i.e. a child with developmental difficulties. Taught by her own experience as well as that of other mothers, she realizes that many think that a good mother is only the one who takes care only of a child with developmental difficulties. Every mother must have time, and Ines points out for herself.
“You cannot help someone else with empty batteries. I asked myself what someone would say at the beginning – ‘look at her, she’s done well and she has a sick child’ or something similar, which bothered me at the beginning. Also, husband and wife must not forget each other, and we do that. You can set aside half an hour for a coffee or even to be silent. What I’m witnessing today, after everything that happened, I found out in a conversation with my daughter Zara, and I’m really going to say this for the first time. She said: “You know, mom, maybe my brother gave me time to have more of you.” That’s what I said, we don’t have time for typical children, not because we don’t want to, but because we think we’ll miss something if we don’t devote ourselves to a child with developmental difficulties every time,” says Ines.
A good parent is one who takes care of himself and that is what we must learn above all and that is not selfishness, said Ines Kavalec, a woman who came out of the most difficult moments of her life even stronger. And he is there to help everyone, and since March also through the work of the Day Center for children and people with developmental disabilities.
Written by: Maja Popović
This story was made possible through the generous support of the American people through the Local Works program of the United States Agency for International Development (USAID). The author and the Peacebuilding Network are solely responsible for the content of this story. The views expressed in this story do not necessarily reflect the views of USAID or the United States Government.
